Cupid May Cry
by JaneGray
Summary: Nero couldn’t believe he had actually asked Dante for advice in matters of the heart... Dante X Nero, and Nero X Kyrie.


**Cupid May Cry**

Nero couldn't believe he had actually asked Dante for advice in matters of the heart. What had he been thinking? He had regretted it the second his treacherous mouth got a mind of its own and blurted out the damned question: "How do you do it?"

Dante, who was sitting at his desk reading a magazine, had raised an eyebrow at that. "Do what?"

Nero could have, _should have_ backpedalled like crazy, made up something ("how do you carry around that many weapons? Is your ass _that_ spacious?") and saved face. But instead, possibly pushed by some kind of divine will as punishment for falling asleep during mass again (and, according to Kyrie, snoring, and drooling, and picking his nose), he couldn't refrain from digging himself further. "Girls fancy you..."

It was true. For some reason, Dante was absurdly successful with the fairer sex. His blond partner was one of the most beautiful women Nero had ever seen, almost as beautiful as Kyrie. The black-haired demon slayer who often hung around his shop seemed to bend on purpose to give its owner a very close view of her impressive cleavage (Nero had stared at it for a full minute once, and the next time he had seen Kyrie he had fervently hoped she wouldn't read the guilt in his eyes). Wherever Dante went, female eyes followed. And ogled. Nero could have sworn Dante had fangirls.

Nero didn't wish for that kind of success. He had Kyrie's love, and that gave him a bliss that no player could ever hope to feel. But he wished to make her as happy as she deserved, so, if the older man knew some method to delight women, Nero wanted to learn it.

Dante put down the magazine and smirked. "Well, I can honestly say that 'just be yourself' works wonders for me. But then again, myself is the sexiest thing on two legs ever to grace this and the other World, so that's kind of expected."

Nero groaned. 'Keep your cool,' he mentally told himself, 'you started this, might as well see it through, for Kyrie's sake.'

Dante went on. "Being a smooth talker is important too. The right pick-up line makes a great first impression, and everything is easier from there. Some of my favourites are like this."

He slouched his shoulders and relaxed in his chair, gazing coyly at Nero. "Nature calls?"

He straightened up then and continued. "Also..." he leaned forward and gave Nero a come-hither look, "yeah, baby, sweet!"

Nero was appalled, but Dante didn't seem to notice. "And my favourite of all. This one _never_ fails." He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "WHOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Nero was seriously considering verifying his 'ass theory' by checking how far he could shove Red Queen up there.

Dante was on a roll. "And then, of course, you pass from words to deeds. Being excellent in the sack is imperative! But first, you have to be an excellent kisser, and move up from there. You shouldn't rush those things unless the Human World is ending, or the Big Bad's lair is crumbling all over you, or the Portal is closing and you are getting stuck in Hell, or the pizza is getting cold. Like pick-up lines, kisses can make everything better or get you shot in the head."

Nero snorted. The mental image of Dante getting shot in the head was definitely making him feel better. And, having met Dante's female associates, Nero had no doubt that the smug cad really _had_ been shot in the head over come-on attempts. The happy thought made him grin widely.

"Yeah, I'll bet."

"What?" Dante sounded slightly insulted, "you don't believe me?"

Nero's tone was openly mocking now. "But _of course_ I believe you! Your kisses must be so powerful, I'm surprised you don't defeat the Legions of Hell by making out with them."

Dante opened his mouth as if to reply, but closed it immediately and took a weird glance at the spikey electric guitar that was sitting beside a bunch of Devil Arms. Before Nero could wonder about that, Dante stood up and smiled disturbingly.

"Want me to prove to you just how powerful they are?"

Nero blinked. Was Dante hitting on him? No way, the older man was always associating with sexy amazons, he was definitely into women. He was just playing with Nero. Again. That guy was so infuriating! Well, this time Nero wouldn't let him pull his leg, two could play that game.

"If you think you are a match for me, bring it on. I'd like to see you try."

The next thing Nero knew, Dante's arms were embracing him, holding his waist and the back of his head, and Dante's lips were pressing against his. Nero gaped in shock, and Dante took it as an invitation to take the kiss to a whole new level, nibbling and sucking Nero's lips, sliding his tongue inside to gently massage Nero's, tightening the embrace and bending forward slightly to maximize contact.

When Dante finally pulled away, Nero barely had the time to catch his breath and the bastard was already adding insult to injury, smirking and asking, "well? Did I pass?"

Nero wanted to scream bloody murder and strangle him, but he only managed to blabber gibberish and flail his arms around. After much struggle, he managed to shout out the first coherent thought that formed in his mind.

"I thought you were into women!"

"Well, yeah, but you are prettier than most women anyway," Dante replied, and winked.

Nero did scream and try to strangle him then, but the slimy motherfucker slipped away and evaded him. He looked like he was having the time of his life, while Nero chased him in circles frothing at the mouth.

"Hey, hey! Is that any way to thank me for teaching you my renowned kissing technique? I thought you _wanted_ romance tips!"

Nero stopped at that. A small voice in the back of his mind pointed out that the kiss _had_ felt really good, and Kyrie _would_ probably like it, and who knew what _else_ Dante could teach him... But Nero kicked it senseless and buried it in the lowest depth of his consciousness.

"Really, kid, what are you doing here, spending valuable time with me, when you should be cherishing your girlfriend with the knowledge I generously imparted to you? Shame on you, Nero!"

"But I...! _You-_"

"No excuses! Be on your way, now. She is a nice girl, if you hurry I'm sure she'll forgive you. And remember: wear protection!"

Before he knew it, Nero found himself pushed outside the shop. Morning sunlight shone over him, and the door slammed closed behind him.

...

Kyrie was on top of the world. She had gone on a wonderful date with her beloved Nero that evening, everything had been so nice. They had dined at a delightful little restaurant, taken a pleasant stroll afterwards, admired the starry sky, and talked about their lives and their projects for the future.

Curiously, Nero had seemed a tad nervous when she had asked him about his day, but he mentioned Mr. Dante and she guessed her poor boy was still struggling with his demonic burden, so she didn't press the topic.

When they had got home, Nero had ended the date in the sweetest way, holding her tightly, kissing her like he never had before, and _then..._ She blushed at the memory and smiled shyly.

Despite all the hardship and suffering she had had to go through lately, Nero had always been there for her, always caring and loving, always comforting and heartening. They had their whole lives ahead of them, and it was wonderful.

...

Inside Devil May Cry, Dante had been grinning like a loon and occasionally snickering all day since Nero left.

It felt good to do a good deed.


End file.
